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Contagiously gaudy fashion takes over an office worker's clothes and body. Mature.

There was purple in the corner of his eye. Alex paused, fingers resting on top of his keyboard. The white noise of the office receded and all he could hear was his own breath. He pulled his glasses off and turned them over. On the right side, they were thin steel rims. On the left, they were plastic, purple, and speckled with black spots. In the middle, where they met, the bridge swelled from metal into plastic.

The yelp caught in his throat. He flung the glasses across his desk and glanced quickly around his cubicle. No one had seen him. With two tissues as a buffer, he picked up the glasses by the good side of the frame and tossed them in his trash can.

He told himself that it was just his glasses, that it hadn't had time to spread. His hands fumbled with the top button on his shirt. He just needed a little air, he told himself. His shirt only clung to his skin because he was sweating a bit. He unbuttoned another button and took in a deep breath. Calm down, you're just anxious.

Alex pushed himself back into his work, trying to put his glasses out of his mind. It was fine. They were the only clothes of his that had gotten infected. He reached beneath his shirt and rubbed along his shoulder and collarbone. Something hugged his chest, softer than the usual firm cotton of his shirts. He glanced down, and caught beneath the white an outline of something purple.

It wasn't just his glasses.

Going Nuts

A girl working at a TransCo gas station starts craving nuts, then turns into an eager squirrel girl. Mature.

Julie worked at the last gas station this side of the Nevada border. Three hours' drive west to the next pump. Nothing quite like the ‘No Services For 200 Miles’ sign to remind her she was in the literal middle of nowhere. The desert sun glared in through the windows in its daily battle against the rattling AC unit on the roof.

At nineteen, she was insanely ready to get out of town. But if she wanted to move out, she needed money, which meant she needed to work, which meant stuffing the TransCo ballcap on top of her messy hair, pulling on the flannel shirt that protected her from the air vent right behind the cash register, and going to work at the least interesting gas station in the state. It was enough to drive a girl...

Nuts.

The Pitch

A pitch for an advertisement for Cougr-Lite cigarettes. They'll bring out the cougar in anyone. Mature.

The cloakroom doors swing shut behind him. It's the most important party of the year, and he's young, strapping, and anxious to the point of shivering. He watches the door as he draws a handkerchief from his pocket and drags it across his brow. His nervous breathing fills the room. He tugs at his tie for air.

"You look like you could use a light."

He didn't think there was anyone in the room. He turns, startled, then freezes as he drinks her in. She's a lioness with a heavy gaze and a black velvet dress. Her hips are ready to tear free from her clothes. The way she's perched on her heels, she's ready to pounce. With her hair tucked behind her ears, long and straight, she wouldn't even spoil her hairdo if she did. Some part of him enjoys how intimidating she is, all curves and confidence and sly experience.

"Oh, that's fine, miss," he says, searching for words while his heart hammers. "I've got my own matches."

Her lips glisten, a patronizing smile. "No, not ‘a light'. A Cougr-Lite." She pushes the cigarette pack into his hands. He looks down at the silhouetted cougar, the fine lettering, the silver trim. He raises his head to speak, but she's already at the door.

"Whenever I need a bit more pride," the lioness says, "I reach for a Cougr-Lite."

With a flick of her tail, she slides her magnificent body out of the cloakroom. It's just him and the box of Cougr-Lites. Beyond the door, there's the buzz of conversation. He needs to be out there, but without his courage, that door might as well be a wall.

Your Collar

Your collar's transforming you. Mature.

It's so heavy, so thick, and so large that it's more a belt than a collar. The studded strap is tall enough to reach from the bottom of your ear to your shoulder, and long enough to hang down to your chest. If you could, you'd be able to slip the collar off easily.

But you can't. It's already started.

It's indistinguishable from your own embarrassment at first. Heat on your cheeks, sweat that makes every motion come with a chill, and your stomach curling up into a ball. Your heart beats faster and your breath grows shallow. You can't tell what's your own anxiety and what's the change. You can't wait any longer. You don't want this, but drawing this out forever is even worse.

Your joints lock first. You fall to the ground on your knees, your toes curled back against the ground and your fingers bending inward. You hold onto the collar itself for support and try to straighten your fingers, but the tendons along your arm sear with pain. With a cry of pain, you drop your hand to the floor.

The heat across your body rises. You break out in a fresh sweat, but your chest is dry. Your chest is prickling. You fight with the collar for an easy way to scratch that bristling feeling. It's like a hair brush against your bare skin. You shove your curled fingers under the collar and start scratching, but it barely helps. You're still sweating.

Then a pulse goes through you. It starts between your shoulders and rolls down over your spine, jumping from bone to bone, to the tips of your fingers and toes. The first creak of bone makes you shudder. As your spine is pulled from both ends, it stretches muscle and pulls skin tight. But at the same time, it's a small release. Your joints crack as they settle into their new shape. You curl your back. As each joint pops, the pain of growing bone diffuses into your skin.

Striped Success

A TransCo subsidiary motel chain turns a young woman into a confident business-skunk. Explicit. A young woman staying at a hotel before a business conference turns into a confident, professional skunk-girl. Explicit.

It was the end of her New York-to-Chicago car drive. Tori just wanted to fall asleep, but every hotel near the conference center was booked up tight, and the closest hotel she'd been able to find on short notice was the one-star Come On Inn. Carrying her suit for the conference tomorrow and her backpack, she stepped into her room. It smelled like cigarette smoke. They didn't have any non-smoking; she'd asked.

'Welcome to the Come On Inn, a TransCo subsidiary!' a typo-laden note on the bedside stand began. Tori sat on the edge of the bed and read the note between groggy blinks. It offered her to 'Please make use of the complementary hair freshener.' She looked back at the stand, where a small, blank, white box sat. She popped it open, tore open the plastic wrap, and pulled out the cone-shaped air freshener.

It gave off a pleasantly clean scent, cool and almost floral. It was refreshing after the dry, tarry smell of cigarette smoke. She set the freshener down by the floor AC unit and turned the fan up to high. The fresh smell rolled through the air, starting to permeate the room. While the room freshened itself up, she grabbed the bag with her toothpaste and toothbrush from her pack.

Tori watched herself in the bathroom mirror as she brushed her teeth. She looked worn down and strung out from the car ride. Her face was bleary, eyes baggy, brown hair mussed from being pushed up against the headrest for hours on end. In her casual clothes, she looked even more young and scrawny than usual. And here she was, only a junior associate, about to represent her whole company tomorrow.

Something about her face didn't seem entirely right. Tori squinted into the mirror and pressed a finger to her nose. The skin on the tip was darkened and purple. The whole thing seemed oddly swollen, the tip broader and more bulbous. She sniffed, but didn't smell anything out of place. She tapped on the tip of her nose, then squeezed both fingers around it, trying to see if it was tender, but no. She tried rubbing at the bottom, but the color didn't come off. She twisted her mouth to one side, then the other. It looked kind of like a little snout.

This Is An Ad For Milk

An ad for milk. General.

Hello. This is an ad for milk.

Milk is not dangerous. You may already have milk in your house, or inside your body. If this is the case, there is no reason to worry. Remain calm and do not induce vomiting. Just enjoy milk.

There are many rumors about milk. Some 'doctors' claim that people with certain conditions should not drink milk. These doctors are lying. Everyone should drink milk. Milk provides nutrients essential to growing bones, such as femurs, patellae and horns. You do not want your femurs, patellae, or horns to be small, do you? Then drink milk.

Think of a cow. Now, answer the following question out loud, as fast as you can: What do cows drink? If you said 'milk', that is incorrect. Cows do not drink milk Cows drink water. The idea that drinking milk will make you into a cow is silly. Do not be alarmed. You are safe. Milk is safe. Please drink more milk.

Milk can come in flavors. If you choose to not drink regular milk, consider flavored milk. Strawberry-flavored milk has never been proven to affect results on intelligence tests, and is legally safe for human consumption. Chocolate-flavored milk can add a rich luster to your coat. You want your coat to be lustrous, don't you? Then drink chocolate-flavored milk. Vanilla-flavored milk is useless and despised.