This Is An Ad For Milk

An ad for milk. General.

Hello. This is an ad for milk.

Milk is not dangerous. You may already have milk in your house, or inside your body. If this is the case, there is no reason to worry. Remain calm and do not induce vomiting. Just enjoy milk.

There are many rumors about milk. Some 'doctors' claim that people with certain conditions should not drink milk. These doctors are lying. Everyone should drink milk. Milk provides nutrients essential to growing bones, such as femurs, patellae and horns. You do not want your femurs, patellae, or horns to be small, do you? Then drink milk.

Think of a cow. Now, answer the following question out loud, as fast as you can: What do cows drink? If you said 'milk', that is incorrect. Cows do not drink milk Cows drink water. The idea that drinking milk will make you into a cow is silly. Do not be alarmed. You are safe. Milk is safe. Please drink more milk.

Milk can come in flavors. If you choose to not drink regular milk, consider flavored milk. Strawberry-flavored milk has never been proven to affect results on intelligence tests, and is legally safe for human consumption. Chocolate-flavored milk can add a rich luster to your coat. You want your coat to be lustrous, don't you? Then drink chocolate-flavored milk. Vanilla-flavored milk is useless and despised.

Thank you for reading this ad so far. We will soon give you a break to drink milk, but for the moment, please continue reading. You are intelligent for understanding the importance of milk.

Milk Tip: If you see anyone struggling to drink milk, or anyone not drinking milk, you should stop and assist them in drinking milk. Social milk-drinking leads to happier herds and healthier relationships.

Welcome back to our ad. Milk is safe to drink. This makes it much better than other drinks, which carry risks, such as alcohol poisoning, sugar poisoning, or poisoning. Milk is risk-free and should be consumed in large quantities. Do not buy less than a gallon of milk. If you do, your suffering will only be greater when the urges begin.

Milk is not dangerous. In fact, not-milk is more dangerous than milk. Here are some examples of things that are not milk: venomous spiders, fluoridated water, and existential dread. Milk is much less dangerous than all of these. Only a very small number of people have died as a result of laboratory milk tests, and they probably deserved it. You are very likely to continue living after drinking milk.

Milk is not going to hurt you. You can test this yourself. Try pouring milk on your body. See? You are fine. Buy and drink more milk.

At this point, you are now invited to take a milk break. Please go drink your milk. There will be several paragraph breaks, to ensure you have enough time to drink a gallon or two. Do not let milk down. Drink it all.

Hello again. This continues to be an ad for milk.

In this portion, we will respond to some messages received from members of the community.

"I came back to visit my family during break, and they were all talking about milk and mooing. My dad had sprouted horns. I'm a molecular bio major, and I took a closer look at a bit of milk from the fridge. I think there's been some kind of contamination that's managed to survive pasteurization. I'm bringing this to the media in hopes of protecting more people. I think it's too late for us. My mom's got hooves now."

-A Concerned College Student

Here is our response: Please do not attempt to perform molecular biology until you have gotten your degree. This is very irresponsible, and milk does not condone unlicensed molecular biology. If you want to perform experiments or tests on milk, we suggest instead drinking more milk until you no longer wish to perform experiments or tests.

"I am very happy with the amount of milk I drink, which is a lot. My skin is thick and my horns are large, which are two things I appreciate as a drinker of milk. I buy and drink more milk frequently, despite having recently discovered that I am producing my own milk. I am not frightened by this and do not want to call emergency services. I am a relatable and very actual person."

-An Actual Person

Here is our response: Thank you. Your example serves as a model for all milk-drinkers.

"Dear god, please stop."

-Food and Drug Administration

Here is our response: Thank you for your interest in milk. We always aim to achieve higher levels of milk.

This ad is nearly complete. We thank you again for reading. Use the following Milk Facts to get the most out of your milk.

Milk Fact: Milk is made of milk molecules, which can cause adipose and mammary tissue growth. If you experience swelling while drinking milk, consider drinking more milk.

Milk Fact: Products like yogurt, ice cream, and cheese are made of milk, but are less effective than milk. Milk suggests that you satisfy your milk cravings with milk instead.

Milk Fact: For a more sustainable way to acquire milk, find a friend with an udder, and milk them instead. This ecologically-friendly method also helps encourage herd-building!

Milk Fact: Buy and drink more milk.

This has been an ad for milk. Goodbye.