Voodoo To You Too

A woman stuck in a swamp winds up getting all big and gatored via voodoo. Explicit.

Erica's car had been rumbling along faithfully for hours, but the twists and turns of the road turned back upon themselves so many times that she was utterly lost. Lost, and in the middle of the swamps somewhere in the god damn ass end of Georgia. And it had been getting steadily darker, so by now, all she could see were the unnervingly bright shapes and elongated shadows of gnarled bare branches.

She was about ready to just say 'fuck it' and try to turn around to go some other way, when her high beams hit a hand-painted sign pointing down a dirt road, which said 'Mama Zola's'. Well, she had no idea who this person was or what they did, but just about anyone could help her at this point. She just wanted to get to the nearest town.

Intolerant Lactoid

If milk turns people into cows, what if sour milk turned people into tough punk cows? Explicit.

Jessica lifted the carton to her nose, sniffed softly, then made a small, scrunched face. The inscrutable numbers that were the expiration date didn't offer any help. It had probably gone bad. Then again, she didn't want to waste it. Even if it was a little overdue, it couldn't hurt.

She wasn't always so compulsively frugal. It was just that her temp job had barely given her enough money to keep her afloat and now that was over too, so anywhere that she could cut corners, she would. So there were a few dry drops of chocolate syrup left over in the bottle, and a glass of milk that wasn't smelling so good. She put two and two together, and came up with a slightly chocolate-flavored not-quite-right glass of milk.

Optimal Performance

Poke around vaguely Gigerian spacecraft and you're bound to get pumped full of cybernetics. Explicit.

The whole town was full of insufferable sticks-in-the-mud. One of the gleaming silverene ships from the far distant peoples had crashed not a long distance away, and everyone was telling her to stay clear and wait until the lord's guard had a chance to come and make sure there was nothing dangerous inside.

Well Lord Valen's soldiers could stick their thumbs up their asses for all she cared. She was tired of seeing the enchantingly still silhouettes of the ships drifting in and out of the clouds far above her and never getting to see one up close. She had the feeling that others in the town wanted to see it too, but didn't want to act against the lord's wishes.

Murder Becomes Her

Stuck in the world of a noir film, a tigress takes on the role of a femme fatale. Explicit.

"So let me just make sure this is right."

Liz stared blankly. Not only had she never seen this German shepherd before, but he was black and white. No, it wasn't that his fur wasn't colorful. He had no color. But she didn't have time to ruminate on that now, since he seemed to be saying something important.

"At about one in the morning, you walked in on your husband and a..."

We are not meant to be

Hypnotic alien tentacles transform some thylacine guy who was just trying to clean up his house. Explicit.

Jay was happy enough that even with his hands covered in dirt and his fur damp with sweat, he was still smiling. A month ago, he'd gotten fed up with the mess in his small flat. Two weeks ago, a slow-burning desire to clean up had sprouted into a white-hot flame. And now things were great. He'd even put plants in his house. On purpose. And he was watering them. It was amazing.

Open Your Eyes: Age and You

Follow the instructions in this exercise to induce transformative effects in your classmates. Explicit.

Unit 12: Age

The common conception of age is that it's simply the number of years you've lived. After all, you've probably gotten used to filling out the forms for birthday approval each year. Unfortunately, this is a misconception. Age is no more determined by years-old than relationships are determined by physical or emotional attraction. (For the theory and equations regarding Billiac romances, please see Unit 15: Cardiology.)